I'm sorry for everything... all of the anger, all of the fights, the sadness. I never wanted any of this. Not for you, not for me, not for anyone. I hope that life treats you well, better than I did. I hope you find reasons to stay alive, reasons to live, to explore, to be a child and to be happy. Life is too short... too short before you realize things are gone... I want to fully apologize. For each and every time I let you down... For leaving you at the school, for not showing up when I had the chances, for giving up, for running away, and being a coward. For turning bitter. For ruining a perfectly good friendship... for destroying your first love. And for destroying your innocence. It's all my fault... and for the short time I will stay alive, I will carry that burden.
I won't get you back. I won't ever be able to talk to you again after this... I don't have your facebook anymore, I don't have a phone, nor your number... and where i'm going... I won't have a computer. Or money... or any means to get a hold of anyone. But I wanted to at least say i'm sorry... one last time.
To be perfectly honest i'm scared to post this. Scared you'll never see it. Or not even care. Or maybe, rather this is just one last tie to the world that needed to be resolved, before I free myself from this place...
I love you, Miriamu E. Baumann. I mean that, 100%. I think about you all of the time. Of the good times we enjoyed... I am glad, that... in the dark, there are at least... some things I did right for you. And I hope that life takes you to someplace that truely makes the world worth living.